In our 658th issue:
As documents released by Edward Snowden continue to reveal NSA activities, the number of communications not definitively tied to government snooping is up to a maximum of four per year. That number has been continuously adjusted downward over the last eight months, with especially sharp decreases after this past month's revelation of IMPENDINGSLUMBER, a program designed to intercept children's bedtime stories; FORGETFULSHOPPER, which tracks details from passive aggressive notes affixed by roommates to household refrigerators; and SOLITARYSINGER, which records individual musical stylings performed in the shower.
Google has come under fire in the last year for its controversial "Google Bus" program of shuttles between San Francisco and its Mountain View headquarters. The protests have shown just how sensitive these employees are. EFF calls on all Silicon Valley companies to step up their security efforts by encrypting all employees in transit, during both the morning and evening commutes. In light of leaked documents detailing the NSA's MUSCULARESTRADA program to intercept vehicles in transit, it's time these companies combine the convenience of door-to-door service with the security of end-to-end crypto.
Citing numerous psychological studies that indicate children under the age of eight respond primarily to fear-based cues, the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) is adding another character to its "Sharing Is Bad" copyright curriculum: the "Fair Use Creep," a four-headed monster in a trench coat. "We think these children will respond well to characters like the Fair Use Creep," said MPAA chief Chris Dodd in a press conference Friday. "And by respond well, we mean cower in fear."
Edward Snowden Named to Board of EPIC, CDT, Model UN, International Spy Museum, Greenpeace, Sierra Club, Cub Scouts of America, and Chillicothe Road Runners Association
In his rousing South by Southwest keynote speech delivered by videoconference from Moscow last month, NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden announced that a number of prestigious organizations had approached him about joining their leadership. Snowden said that deciding which organizations to devote his time to had been difficult, but he believed he had found a selection of groups that could best benefit from his experience and ideals. Snowden was unable to take questions over a sometimes fragile video link, but hoped that he would be able to do so in his next remote appearance at the ribbon cutting for the new Togo's at the East Dubuque Travel Plaza.
North Pole Transparency Report Reveals Naughty/Nice Request
The first-ever transparency report issued by Santa's Workshop has raised troubling questions about the 0-999 national security requests for the entire so-called "Naughty and Nice List," which the NSA has categorized as simple metadata. Santa's participation in this program answers lingering questions about a "Sixth Eye" described in previously released top secret documents that "knows when [non-US persons] are sleeping, and knows when [non-US persons] are awake."
Skewer Tyrants with EFF's New Activism App
This week, EFF launched "Malware Narwhal," a new app that allows users to stick it to state-sponsored phishers. Combining Citizen Labs' anti-malware research with EFF's world-renowned online activism tools, Malware Narwhal runs in the background of your browser or email client, including your mobile devices. When it spots a politically motivated phishing attempt, it notifies the user of the breach--by breaching. Install today and blow a hole in despots' surveillance schemes!
EFF Cancels Planned Oculus Title, "EFF Office Walkthrough 2014"
EFF announced on Thursday that it would not be continuing with development of the Oculus Rift version of the highly anticipated office simulator game, "EFF Office Walkthrough 2014." The hyper-realistic simulator had already been generating buzz for its exciting minigames like Applying Laptop Stickers and Suing Foreign Governments.
Leaked USTR Documents Show Heightened Secrecy Plan
Citing high-profile leaks and worldwide protests that have threatened to derail the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP), the U.S. Trade Representative has developed plans to conduct future negotiations in more complete secrecy, according to leaked documents. The documents note that leaks are only possible because the Trade Representative's office itself has access to the negotiations. To avoid this glaring security lapse, future negotiations will be held in completely empty rooms, and negotiators will not be allowed access.
EFF Develops Trustworthy Pseudo-Random Number Generator
In light of the central role that random (or pseudorandom) number generation plays in cryptography, EFF has developed a truly unpredictable RNG. The number it generates is 8666724473.
EFF Announces Anonymous $10,000,000 Donation for Encryption Work
EFF is proud to announce that it has received a $10,000,000 donation from an anonymous donor for our work on random number generators.
Drones: Drones, drones drones, drones?
In drones today, drones drones droney droney drones. According to Freedom of the Press Foundation Executive Director Trevor Timm, "Drones and drones drone droney drone drone. And microdrones."
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Editor: McKinley Bear, Staff Mountain Dog
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